I have been asking myself a particular question more often than I realized; that question was “what would the world be if we were to really do unto others as they’ve done us.” I remember tweeting that question and some of the responses I got were “we’d be blind”, “the world would be in chaos” and some wondered the same thing. I remember when I was growing up and my cousins and I would fight for the simplest things my grandmother would always tell us ” Do unto others as you would have them do to you” as a little girl, you hear these things but they go in one ear and goes through the other. I’ve always prided myself on not treating people ill, or I’ve tried to be mindful not to mistreat anyone, of course I’m not perfect and I have had my fair share of mishaps. It is amazing the things that stick with us in our adult life. I made a confession in my 28 & Winging It that I am a very nice and giving person which is a good thing but 80% of the time my niceness gets me in trouble. Not in trouble in a bad way, well that depends on what your definition of bad is. For years I’ve had the people closest to me tell me about my savior complex and that I need to stop jumping to everyone’s rescue. If I am honest, it seems that I always learn the hard way, I have to wait until I’m on fire before learning ( working on this). Another thing I took with me in my adult life is that it’s better to give than to receive, sadly I take that way too literal. I’ve always been a giver. However, I have found myself on some occasion feeling guilty whenever I’m unable to meet someone’s need in the time they want. The more I was giving, it was becoming a strain for me and not because I had a hard time giving but simply because I could tell that some of these individuals did not genuinely care about me, it was all about them and what they could get.
I have written a post similar to this several times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually post it. I still struggle with being transparent when it comes to certain things; then I remember my blog is a source of healing and if I can relate to one of my readers in any way that would also warm my heart in the meantime. Since the start of 2018, I told myself that 2018 would be the year of ME. My friends, I have not done well with this. I have had some weird encounters this year, but they were 2 recent incidents that prompted me to go through with this post.
I did something unconventional for me, I had to swallow my pride and ask someone who I considered closed to me to do something minor for me. I have no problems with asking for help, we can’t go through life without seeking help every now and then. I asked this person to do this small favor and they told me to wait until a few minutes, welllll I’m still waiting lol. I got through with what I needed done by myself but that person never followed up to see if I got through or anything. The other instance, I asked someone to do something for me and without hesitating they said no and proceeded to talk about themself minutes later. Now I know and I believe no one owes me anything; I give because it is in my heart and because I believe great will be my reward. These two instances got me deep in my feelings. A few days after I was talking to one of my sisters, one conversation led to another and whatever we were talking about she said to me ” We have this mentality that because we do for others, we expect them to do for us and that’s not how it works” talk about gathering me all the way together.
Then it hit me, I got deep in my feelings because someone didn’t do something for me. When in fact I got in my feelings not because they couldn’t do that small favor the one time I asked, I got in my feelings because I had a sense of entitlement. I knew for a fact that I always showed up for those individuals and the one time I needed them they didn’t make the effort. Yes, I felt entitled and that was wrong of me but in life not everyone has the gift of reciprocation, and gratitude. It is better to give than to receive but let’s be real it’s also good to know that you’re appreciated and the ones you go to the moon and back for can at least cross a puddle for you.
I read something the other day that said, “No one will ride harder for you than you. Stop pouring into others and stop expecting 100% reciprocation.” Which is why I keep asking myself, what would the world be like if we were to do unto others as they’ve done us? It’s important to be kind to one another but not everyone deserves your kindness. Whatever you may do or give, do it from your heart and know that great will be your reward but also know that it’s okay wanting to feel appreciated and wanting to know that others will do the same for you.
Have you been in a situation where you felt like you were always giving 100% but it wasn’t being reciprocated? Leave a comment, let’s discuss.