Is there such a thing as friends for life? I’ve realized that in life, every friendship has its purpose and not every friendship will last. Most times, friends come into your life for a season and once that season is over, there is really no need for that friendship to continue.
Do you remember growing up saying to your bestfriend something a long the lines of “we’re gonna be friends forever”, funny enough every time I hear or say that line I start randomly singing ‘friends forever’ by Zack attack ( Saved By The Bell fans will know what I’m talking about). I believed that I was going to still be friends with some of the people from my childhood days and those that I met in high school and part of college, but little did I know not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime.
I always found myself putting my friends on this pedestal, they were the best thing since slice bread, today I can’t really say the same. In my 28 & Winging It post I mentioned something to the effect of me buying friends, not monetary (well there was a time but another time for that) but by doing everything they would ask even it was against what I stood for. Let me tell you whenever you have to compromise yourself to show someone you’re a good person it says a lot about you as an individual. I’ve found myself in recent times fighting for friendships that didn’t serve any purpose. It was in this moment when I realized that not everyone deserves a seat at the table to my life. Now, even though I said I realized, I still tried everything in my power to cling on to certain friendships simply because in my mind I’ve known this person for x amount of years, starting over is no option etc. I went through some situations over the last few months where my friendship with a few of the people I considered my friends basically started to dwindle. Let me tell you, whenever you feel like you must go against what you stand for just to be able to keep a friendship then it’s time go. Now I am not saying I’m the greatest friend on the planet because I’ve had my fair share of doing a lot crap to hurt and disappoint some of my friends but the beauty about that is I recognized my wrong doing and I ALWAYS try to fix it and do better.
I’ve been constantly asking myself in recent times “why do I attract certain people in my life” and what I mean by that is, why do I attract users. I’ve been trying to find the answer for months but I can’t seem to find it. I know I’m a good person so why does it seem that I always attract people who pretend to care about me and only care about themselves? I am giver, when I say I am a giver, I AM A GIVER; I would do anything so that the people around me can be happy but in recent times it’s been taking a toll on me physically, mentally and spiritually. One time I was unable to show up a for friend when they needed me and that has caused a change in the friendship ever since. The ONE time I couldn’t be there when they needed me, changed a whole friendship ignoring all of the other times I was there for them. To me, some people only want you around them for what they can get from you and these are the people you need to be aware of.
Another thing I want to say and this is a bit of a confession to myself, I feel like if I share it, it would make me feel better to some extent. I’ve put myself in some compromising positions just so that I can please these said so called friends. I was talking to a friend of mine and when I say friend, this is someone who when you look up the definition of a friend you’re guaranteed to see their picture at the top. Anyway, my father was coming to visit me and I was telling this friend that I hope my dad is able to get Wi-Fi in the airport because that’s our only means of communicating because I forgot to pay the monthly $3 fee to keep his US number active, THREE DOLLARS just to keep his line active and I failed to do that. My friend’s response to me “I don’t get you, the man who does everything in his power to make sure you want for nothing and you can’t remember to pay $3 a month for him” my friend proceeded to say “I can guarantee you if it was one of your so called friends who don’t give a damn about you, you would go to the moon just to please them” When I tell you that hit me, I felt like a knife pierced my heart. The statement though simple could not have been more accurate. Here I am doing the world for these “friends”who don’t care about me and the ones who do, I’m not being the friend I should be to them, how ironic.
After a while in life you realize that it’s ok if you’re not as close to some of the people you once were close with; it really isn’t a bad thing. Some friendships last, some you become distant with and you just resort to a phone call twice a month just to check in and others just come to an end. As certain things change you’ll experience a change with the friendship.
When I share certain situations with the people closest to me, they often say ” you need to cut them off” but for me I like to give second, third, hundreds of chances before I realize a particular relationship is really not for me, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Not all friendships/ relationships end on bad terms, it’s just time to move on so you can be a better person. You outgrow people.
My younger sister, although young she is very wise always told me that I don’t need to be everyone’s friend and that was a sermon I needed to hear. We grow a part from some friends for whatever reason but we never know what the future holds. I’ve been taken advantage by friends who I thought had my best interest at heart. In life it is important to know that it’s ok to make new friends but also set boundaries for yourself as well. While we know some friends are really toxic and need to go, we must find joy in meeting new people and building new relationships. I’m confident in knowing that you can meet someone this very moment and they’ll have a much bigger impact on your life than the ones you’ve known all your life.
“Relationships are an important part of life but be mindful of the other person being in control while you struggle for approval. Get rid of the bottom feeders and stick to the friends that speak life into those around them.” A quote that stuck out to me one morning while I was reading my daily devotional was ” You can buy friends by letting them control you, but you will have to keep them the same way you obtained them.” That was a WORD.